Texas

Rules to Enter Texas: Applies to each person as they enter Texas.

Learn & remember:
(East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!)

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road."
I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter
how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your
Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell
like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it.
Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes
north. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed.
We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only
3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called
being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are
coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.You better hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want
sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the
first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all
women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick
off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main
dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three
spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce. Oh, yeah....
We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff
you eat... It AINT REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred
in San Antonio....and real chili never met a tomato!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown,
wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into
my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive
a truck, and have long hair.

13. College and High School Football is as important here as the
Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit thewater hazards -
it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Texas, Texas A&M or Texas Tech. They come
outta there with an education plus a love for God and country,
and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for
the holidays.

16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force,
and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas".
If you do, it will get you whipped by the best.

17. Always remember what our great governor Sam
Houston once said:

• "Texas can make it without the United States, but the
  United States can't make it without Texas."
  
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