Top Ten Changes to Cable Television

My current job brings me into contact with subscribers of cable tv. When their cable goes out you'd think it was a NATIONAL CRISIS. They even call when 1 channel is out. I guess the other 4 gazillion don't got nuthin' good on 'em!

It is also the only business where when they have LOST one hour, or heaven forbid, one day of cable, they expect a price adjustment. (Now me, I'd rather have that price adjustment when electricity is lost--since it is sooooo hot in the south. But nope, never heard of anyone demanding that. Only when they are deprived of their "legalized" narcotic--the boob tube--does this demand result!

At any rate, these "Top Ten" had me laughing at cable television viewers!


10. When you turn on your television, you'll hear "You've got Pay Per View".

9. There will be a mysterious 19 hour period where your cable just won't work.

8. Test Patterns: Televisions equivilent to a busy signal.

7. Every once in a while you have to have your cable reinstalled.

6. 100 Free Trial Hours of Cable Access which you can't cancel, no matter how hard you try.

5. CIA: Cable Instant Alerter. Now all your friends will know when you are watching television.

4. Childproof features on cable will prevent you from receiving programs from undesirable sources, including ones you really do want to receive.

3. The cable repairman tells you to turn your TV off and back on again when you report your cable is on the fritz.... again.

2. Relatives in neighboring towns make fun of you because you don't have a "real" cable company like they do.

1. "You've been watching TV too long. Your connection has been terminated."

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