You Might be a Redneck If

-You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.

- Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

- You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

- You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

- You've been to a funeral and there were more
pick-ups than cars.

- You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie
Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

- You just bought an 8-track player to put
in your car.

- There are four or more cars up on blocks
in the front yard.

-You can't get married to your sweetheart
because there is a law against it.

- You celebrate Groundhog Day because you
believe in it.

- Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.

- You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.

- You fish in your above-ground pool... and
catch something.

- Your beer can collection is considered a
tourist attraction in your home town.

- Getting a package from your post office
requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

- Your wife wants to stop at the gas station
to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip
Budweiser wall clock.

- Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

- You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

- You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

- You think you are an entrepreneur because
of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

- You're still scalping tickets after the concert
is over.

- You don't think Jeff's Foxworthy's jokes are funny.

- Every time you see a roadsign that says "DIP"
you reach in your back pocket.

- You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong
table.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Redneck Country Songs

Readers of New York magazine were asked
to invent country-song titles.

Here are some entries:

- Ain't No Trash In My Trailer Since The
Night I Threw You Out

- You Wanted To Get Hitched, But
My Heart Is Filled With Whoa

- Baked My Sweetie A Pie, But He Left
With A Tart

- I Lost My Honey Bunny On A Bad
Hare Day

- She Chews Tobacco, But She Didn't
Choose Me

- The Peach I Picked In Georgia
Didn't Cling To Me For Long

- Don't Want That Floozy In My Jacuzzi

- I Found The Recipe For Heartbreak In
A Cookbook On Your Shelf

- Now That We're Miserable, I Hope
You're Happy

Top of Page