17 Things That It Took Me 50 Years To Learn

Ummm, a slow learner perhaps?
I'm LOL!
C~B~N


1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human
race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full
potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."

4. You should not confuse your career with your life.

5. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to
take it too seriously.

6. When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives a
solution and is willing to take command. Very often,
that individual is crazy.

7. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance. [With the exception of your own kids who
will be MORTIFIED by your "moves"!]

8. Never lick a steak knife.

9. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

10. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
[It is also the MOST deadly and why the Bible deals
with this.]

11. You will never find anybody who can give
you a clear and compelling reason why we observe
daylight savings time. [Nor can you find anyone who
can remember which way to turn the clock! Thank
goodness they have it posted on a sticky note to remind
everyone every year!]

12. You should never say anything to a woman
that even remotely suggests that you think she's
pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment. [My sister did this one time! Talk
about a FROSTY reception! I'm still LOL about that one!]

13. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make a big deal about your birthday.That time
is age eleven.

14. The one thing that unites all human
beings, regardless of age, gender, religion,
economic status or ethnic background,
is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe
that we are above-average drivers.
[let me tell you, YOU AREN'T!!!!]

15. The main accomplishment of almost all organized
protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

16. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person. [This is very important. Pay attention.
It never fails.]

17. Your friends love you anyway.

~by Dave Barry, Presidential Contender~

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