Supermarket Surround Sound

A new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep
the produce fresh.

Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell
of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness
the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and
the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.




I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

Top of Page

Top 10 Reasons Eve was Created

This just made me laugh!

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put he garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said,

"I can do better than that."

Top of Page

The Most Powerful Book in America

They lie on the table side by side

The Holy Bible and the TV guide.

One is well worn and cherished with pride.

Not the Bible, but the TV guide.

One is used daily to help folks decide.

No, not the Bible, but the TV guide.

As the pages are turned, what shall they see.

Oh, what does it matter, turn on the TV.

Then confusion reigns, they can't all agree

On what they should watch on the old TV.

So they open the book in which they confide,

No, not the Bible, but the TV guide.

The Word of God is seldom read,

Maybe a verse as they fall into bed.

Exhausted and sleepy and tired as can be;

Not from reading the Bible, from watching TV.

So then back to the table side by side,

Lie the Holy Bible and the TV guide.

No time for prayer, no time for the Word,

The plan of Salvation is seldom heard.

But forgiveness of sin, so full and free,

Is found in the Bible, not on TV.

Choose which book will rule your family.

~The author is unfortunately "unknown"~

Top of Page

Top Ten Changes to Cable Television

My current job brings me into contact with subscribers of cable tv. When their cable goes out you'd think it was a NATIONAL CRISIS. They even call when 1 channel is out. I guess the other 4 gazillion don't got nuthin' good on 'em!

It is also the only business where when they have LOST one hour, or heaven forbid, one day of cable, they expect a price adjustment. (Now me, I'd rather have that price adjustment when electricity is lost--since it is sooooo hot in the south. But nope, never heard of anyone demanding that. Only when they are deprived of their "legalized" narcotic--the boob tube--does this demand result!

At any rate, these "Top Ten" had me laughing at cable television viewers!


10. When you turn on your television, you'll hear "You've got Pay Per View".

9. There will be a mysterious 19 hour period where your cable just won't work.

8. Test Patterns: Televisions equivilent to a busy signal.

7. Every once in a while you have to have your cable reinstalled.

6. 100 Free Trial Hours of Cable Access which you can't cancel, no matter how hard you try.

5. CIA: Cable Instant Alerter. Now all your friends will know when you are watching television.

4. Childproof features on cable will prevent you from receiving programs from undesirable sources, including ones you really do want to receive.

3. The cable repairman tells you to turn your TV off and back on again when you report your cable is on the fritz.... again.

2. Relatives in neighboring towns make fun of you because you don't have a "real" cable company like they do.

1. "You've been watching TV too long. Your connection has been terminated."

Top of Page