Test for Dementia

Below are four (4 ) questions and a
bonus question. You have to answer them
instantly. You can't take your time, answer
all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!!


First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the
second person. What position are you in?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong!

If you overtake the second person, you take his place,
so you are second!



Try not to screw up next time!!!


Now answer the second question, but don't take as
much time as you took for the first one, OK ?




Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Answer: If you answered that you are second to last,
then you are wrong again.


Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?



You're not very good at this,
are you?


Third Question:

Very tricky arithmetic!

Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.


Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 .
Now add 30. Add another1000.
Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10 . What is the total?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!



Today is definitely not your
day, is it?

Maybe you'll get the last
question right.......Maybe.




Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.

What is the name of the fifth daughter?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Did you Answer Nunu?

NO! Of course it isn't. Her name is Mary.

Read the question again!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, now the bonus round:


A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a
toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his
teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper
and the purchase is done.


Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to
buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He just has to open his mouth and ask...

It's really very simple.... Like you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't feel bad....C~B~N had a BAD day too!!

LOL

Top of Page

17 Things That It Took Me 50 Years To Learn

Ummm, a slow learner perhaps?
I'm LOL!
C~B~N


1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human
race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full
potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."

4. You should not confuse your career with your life.

5. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to
take it too seriously.

6. When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives a
solution and is willing to take command. Very often,
that individual is crazy.

7. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance. [With the exception of your own kids who
will be MORTIFIED by your "moves"!]

8. Never lick a steak knife.

9. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

10. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
[It is also the MOST deadly and why the Bible deals
with this.]

11. You will never find anybody who can give
you a clear and compelling reason why we observe
daylight savings time. [Nor can you find anyone who
can remember which way to turn the clock! Thank
goodness they have it posted on a sticky note to remind
everyone every year!]

12. You should never say anything to a woman
that even remotely suggests that you think she's
pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment. [My sister did this one time! Talk
about a FROSTY reception! I'm still LOL about that one!]

13. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make a big deal about your birthday.That time
is age eleven.

14. The one thing that unites all human
beings, regardless of age, gender, religion,
economic status or ethnic background,
is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe
that we are above-average drivers.
[let me tell you, YOU AREN'T!!!!]

15. The main accomplishment of almost all organized
protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

16. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person. [This is very important. Pay attention.
It never fails.]

17. Your friends love you anyway.

~by Dave Barry, Presidential Contender~

Top of Page

Top Ten Reasons to Ask Your Boss For A Raise

10. You take your paycheck to the bank and the
teller bursts out in hysterical laughter.

9. The Red Cross calls and offers you emergency
assistance.

8. Your only charge cards are for the Salvation
Army, ARC, and DAV thrift stores.

7. You work full time and you still qualify for
food stamps.

6. You empty out your piggy bank and then
cook the bank and serve it for your Easter ham.

5. All you can think about morning, noon and
night is clipping grocery coupons.

4. You file your income taxes and the IRS returns
them stamped, "Charity Case -- Return To Sender."

3. You set the world record for mailing $1.00
rebate requests to Young America, Minnesota.

2. You pay all your bills, put your remaining $1
bill into your billfold and it goes into shock.

1. You get arrested for taking the coins out of the
fountain in the mall.

Top of Page

How to tell if a Catholic is driving too fast

Jewish Olympic Swimmer

The Woodpecker Might have to go!

May your troubles be less,
may your blessings be more,
and may nothing but happiness
come through your door!

Top of Page

Real Church Signs

Top of Page

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

C~B~N would get TV again to watch this one!!!!
[My added comments...]



Six married men will be dropped on an island
with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music
or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned
house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects,
cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with
not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for
groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends
and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's
appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut
appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient
visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social
function. [At the LAST minute~~you know, the NIGHT
before 4 dozen are due~~and you are told at 9pm at night
~~and you have to work tomorrow!!!!]

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own
assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it
presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids
are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn
himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,
keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure
severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme,
unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow
down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church,
and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the
park or a similar setting.They will need to read a book
and then pray with the children each night and in the
morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and
comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each
father will be required to know all of the following
information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size,
clothes size and doctor's name.


Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth,
and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle
name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite
toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they
grow up.
[While holding down a FULL-TIME job....let's not forget
that one!!!!]


The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
[Nope--should be the Television WATCHING mothers!!!]



The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy
to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over
and over again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning
the right to be called Mother!


Top of Page

Bumper Stickers for WOMEN

-So many men, so few who can afford me

- God made us sisters, Prozac made us friends

- If they don't have chocolate in Heaven, I ain't going!

- My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips

- Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog

- Coffee - Chocolate - Men... Some things are just better rich

- Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it!

- Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time!

- Do not start with me. You will not win.

- You have the right to remain silent. So please shut up.

- All stressed out, and no one to choke!

- Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen!

- If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen!

- Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off!

- Out of estrogen, and I have a gun!

- Guys have feelings too but... who cares?

- Next mood swing: 6 minutes

- I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people

- How can I miss you if you won't go away?

- Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.

- If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap, and easy!

- Don't upset me. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.



Top of Page