The difference between MEN and WOMEN

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,
Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and
John will each throw in $20, even though it's
only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they want
change back. When the girls get their bill, out
come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush
and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of
soap, and a towel. The average number of items
in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would
not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning
of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats,
but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband. A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend. A successful woman is
one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water
the plants, answer the phone, read a book,
and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings
and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the
night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dental appointments and romances,
best friends, favorite foods, secret fears hopes and
dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY FROM ALL THIS
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the
same thing!


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