Aggies prepare for hurricane....?

Aggies love aggie jokes. As this is my Alma Mater I feel I can post this. As always, this came via email. LOL and enjoy!

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Fabulous house for sale!

Fabulous new digs with tons of natural greenery!

On top of the world too!

Always did want to throw that mean cat into the swimming hole!

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Pot-o-gold

So this is the pot at the end of the rainbow! And they said it would be full of gold.

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Warning to all dog owners: Watch your dog!

The State Highway Patrol in conjunction
with the FBI has issued a warning
advising all dog owners
to keep their dogs indoors
until further notice. Dogs are being picked
off one at a time on an almost continual
basis throughout the city.
They are falling in great numbers.
Police in the city advise all dog
owners not to walk their
dogs -KEEP THEM INDOORS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!
(Thanks to my friend Cyndi for forwarding this one!)





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If this doesn't make you smile...you're hopeless!

Baby's first.....Mouse?!?

BEWARE OF DOG!!!!

Mama, what a great bit tongue you have!

The cats life for me!

Just try and get me!

Gotcha, right where I wantcha!

What are they? What are they?

Just tuckered out....

Cuddling with baby~now that is love!

Now that's what I call a "hot dog"!

Cooling off in the "dog days" of summer!

Trunk full of babies!

First place for the "cat-o-lympics" for ATTITUDE!

Well, when you can't decide...choose both!

Uh oh, I think this is a stick up!

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I'm a Bad American!

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I VOTE.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid
level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer; it makes you a smart
American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does
not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac; try to do it in English.




I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.





I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment
than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the
bill to put your pansy a~~ through 4 years plus of college, you haven't
begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where
they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever
cancelled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know w wrestling is fake, and I don't waste my time arguing about it.





I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now,
when I'm freezing my a~~ off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?









I've never owned a slave, or was a slave. I didn't wander forty years In
the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any
witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So,
shut up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse
Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of
the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry a~~ if you're
running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your a~~ over if you're
breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my driver’s license. I
think it's good.....and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want
you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world
for the next four years.








I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me
junk or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause.
These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two
parents.

And what the he~~ is going on with gas prices... again?













If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know.

We need our country back




Formerly attributed to comedian George Carlin but have found out he did not write this! (But he should have...) Read it here: Snopes

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Understanding Southerners

In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your Lincoln Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way!

3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color,don't wash your car for a couple of weeks -- it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah,we saw that Bambi movie, too. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle . We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for: bait.

6. Pull your pants up! You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not
up to your ear at the time.

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
ham and turkey.

9. Tea -- yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and it's sweet.You want it hot? Set it in the sun. You want it unsweetened? Add a lot of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet,
and served over ice!

11. You have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed.
We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use
two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we
eat--yeah, even breakfast. We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays,
and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still
address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we
sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends
and neighbors.

14. We don't do "hurry up" well. (Just what the heck is multi-tasking?)

15. Greens -- yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a smoked hog jowl.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream, and carp. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available down at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
it? Interstate 75 goes two ways. Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream of wheat -- go to Kansas. That would be I-40 West.

19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before
daylight at the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup truck waves? Yeah, it's called being
friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks
the fish and bothers the gators --and, if you hit it in the rough, we have
these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like
an idiot --his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You
park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a souvenir on your hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions.The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all four of them --enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up
the flag burner.

25. Your children can address us by our first names...after adding Mrs. or Mr. first!

26. Yeah, we talk slow and we listen slow-so slow down that yankee speech and don’t assume it means we are stupid!




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Bad Parent!

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Bathroom Nightmare?

Eeeeekkkkkkkkk!!!!!

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Noah in 2005

Noah in 2005

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed.

I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse! , the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

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